Sun's Out

My 21st Birthday ft. My New Timothee Chalamet Shirt

21

The evolution of my style: A picture essay of twenty-one outfits over the last seven years.

Here's to turning 21.

Sweet Anticipation

My 200th post!

April 30, 2020 | Toronto

JP12: What do you actually care about?


I've mentioned before how I struggle with expressing my emotions.  Growing up, I never learned a healthy way to communicate my thoughts with others because I was so afraid of being wrong or judged.  Confrontation, y'all, is such a hard skill I'm still trying to learn.  And don't even get me started on opening up to people and not being ashamed to tell my story.  Like when a friend asks 'how's it going'?  Listen, this is like one of the dreaded questions of all social interactions.  And I'm too quick to shut it down with 'nothing much, you?'.

When my friends make an effort to call me up at night, it seriously means the world.  I love to just listen to what's going on in their lives.  If there's ever any problem, I want to be there to listen.  But moreso, lately I've been getting out of my comfort zone and making it a two way exchange by sharing my thoughts and giving my opinions on their issue.  Because I think for me, it's so easy to forget that my friends do want to get to know me.  Like really get to know me and understand me and feel what I'm going through.  And so, when we call and we talk, like really talk, it means the world.  Because, that feeling of comfort and vulnerability is a quality in my friendships that I want to cherish.

Canon M50

This is a space that we share

April 29, 2020 | Toronto

JP11: What is something you want to see more of in the world?  How can you start creating it?

I want to see more people caring about the Earth and the animals, plants, and insects that share this space with us.  Most people are so engrossed in their own lives that they become so far removed from the bigger picture.  But, the more you push your good intentions on people, the harder they push back.  And I've learned that the most efficient way to see change, is to lead by example.  Show everyone how simple quick sustainable swaps can be.  They're good for the soul and good for the earth.

Then again, some people you just can't change.  It just won't happen.  And I've had to accept that.  I think the key is to not surround yourself with too many people like this.  They will only bring you down.  And I refuse to let people bring their negative energy upon me.

Canon M50

Familiar surroundings, people, and illogical transitions

April 27, 2020 | Toronto

JP9: Where do you think your dreams come from?

Okay, this is the first entry I'm writing where I actually fell asleep before getting around to writing it. Usually, I'm up 'till 1 am writing these, but it still counts as being the same day (right?).  Last night, I was on an unexpected Skype call with Dana and Adelheid and then I had to finish some other unrelated writing.  When all was said and done it was 3 am and so I guess that's my excuse...

My dreams have always been a mix of familiar surroundings, people, and illogical transitions.  They're on the verge of being so quintessentially normal that I don't stop to think how bizarre they are until after I wake up.  Bridge to Terabithia.  That's what they kind of remind me of.

I find that I only dream when I fall into a deep and long slumber.  And this has got my thinking... Would I care if I never had another dream?  I can never recall what I dreamt unless I think about them the minute I wake up.  Then again, the ones that I do make for really funny stories.  I still remember certain dreams I had from over ten years ago.  That's crazy.  I don't think I consciously told myself to remember them.  So, what am I going to remember about now?  Yesterday, I was watching the mail lady cross the street to my house and thinking: it's probably just junk mail.  I rarely get mail.  Then, later that evening, I went to go get the mail and to my surprise I had two letters in my name.  My first tax refund.  Pretty cool, I think lol.

A photo from two years ago that I never posted...

Sometimes these thoughts become too overwhelming

April 21, 2020 | Toronto

JP3: What's something you learned this week?

There are so many things about my life that I want to change and when I start listing them off in my head, the thoughts become too overwhelming.  I can write lists all day and it's like every day there is something else I need to do.  So, I guess I learned that having lots of time isn't everything.  I need to not be scared to focus on one thing.  There will also be something else you want to do.  But for now, focus on learning a new skill, and learning it well.

Yesterday, I said I would go on a walk and take photos the next day.  Today, I spent 45 minutes outside, just walking around my neighbourhood and smiling because it felt so calming.  I need to get out more.

Today's song is: I love me by Demi Lovato

Canon M50

A Day Off: all for the gram

I have a week off from school - just enough time to study for midterms and destress with friends.